No, You Don’t Need to Give Your Child a Sibling
It’s fascinating how some ideas are ingrained in our brains.
“You have to give your child a sibling” is definitely one of these.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this catching phrase.
As if the fate and happiness of your child are directly correlated to it:
Has siblings? = Happy ending!
Don’t they have siblings? = Miserable existence!
To be clear, I’ve been there! These thoughts bothered and consumed me for years unnecessarily.
But, finally, I am free of this guilt, at least from this one.
Olivia is 9, and I assure you she hasn’t had a miserable life.
If anything, she’s been having a great one, maybe because she is an only and we’ve managed to give her the emotional support she needed throughout her childhood.
We’ve watched and celebrated all of her milestones from birth till now.
The fact that I didn’t have to split my time and attention allowed me to do so without other common parent guilt – fear of neglecting another child.
She is such a lively, happy, friendly, and caring child. I don’t think she’d be better off or a more joyful girl if she had a sibling.
Honestly, it could be the opposite because I probably wouldn’t have had time to nurture and help her shape this bubbly personality.
Once, I was asked the famous question if I would have another child.
When I replied negatively and explained that Olivia didn’t seem to mind, I was bluntly told: “It’s because she doesn’t know better!”. Ouch!!!!
First, I don’t believe we will ever know “better”!
This comment doesn’t make sense, or else our lives would be a constant pursuit of the unknown.
The classic personality of a “glass-half-empty” is that even if we are content, there is always something else that can make us even more!
We’d be chasing our tails our entire life.
So why does your child precisely needs a sibling? The answers would probably be:
To have a forever friend.
To learn the importance of sharing.
To improve their social skills.
To have someone share the “burden” of looking after their aging parents.
To have a companion when their parents are no longer around.
To sum up, to avoid raising a spoiled brat who doesn’t know how to behave in society and will be a downcast lonely person who will have to be the sole caregiver to their aging parents!
I agree that all the concerns listed above are valid! No doubt about it.
Still, I don’t think a sibling is an immediate answer to them.
Giving your child a brother or sister is not enough reason to have another child.
A child should never be seen as a gift to your firstborn.
The pressure is massive and unrealistic, and the cost of doing so could be devastating.
On top of that, there is no guarantee that the siblings will get along nicely.
Thus, I don’t think it’s worth, for some families, going through painful and costly infertility treatments, mental and physical constraints, and financial uncertainty.
Unless you really want to have more children for reasons other than just solving your first-child foreseen problems.
Instead, give your singleton plenty of opportunities to socialize to enhance their social skills and build strong and long-lasting friendships.
These days, possibilities are endless – childcare, after-school activities, and playdates.
What will happen when my husband and I grow older?
I don’t expect Olivia to care for us when we age.
In fact, I don’t want to! For that, we’ve been saving since she was born, so we don’t need to depend on her – we’ve also been saving for her college.
By the way, this would have been much harder if we had more kids.
If you can and have the means to have more kids, go for it!
I haven’t personally met anyone who regrets having more children. At least, not anyone who dared to say so.
Otherwise, stop saying that your child NEEDS a sibling!
It can be nice to have, but they don’t need one to become a happy, friendly, kind, generous, selfless, independent, and well-adjusted child!
Instead, they need a healthy, caring, supportive, thoughtful, engaged, patient, and inspirational parent. That’s what a child really needs! 😉
