Why Did We Decide to Have Only One Child?

Before she was born

How did I end up having only one child?

I never really thought about it before Olivia was born.

I wasn't the type who would make plans and picture myself living in a big house with a swimming pool and many kids running around.

Instead, I had some ambitious life goals, such as helping save the world from hunger and inequality.

However, my sisters and I always loved children to the point that my mom's friends would drop their kids off at our house to do us a "favor"! And we loved it.

Hence, the natural path would be to have as many children as possible to fulfill my needs.

Well, I suppose I did have as many kids as I could…

I always knew I wanted to have a child, even if I didn't get married.

But then I did find my prince charming. So we got married and moved abroad.

As students living in a tiny studio in London, having a child seemed impossible.

Only after we moved to Dubai and had settled in relatively well did we decide to become three.

Waiting for my baby girl

The joy I felt when I discovered I was pregnant still stays with me.

For 9 months, I carried that little girl with me impatiently.

I couldn't wait to see her face and hold her in my arms.

My pregnancy went smoothly, except that I put on 20kgs and felt like a stranded whale whenever I had to move from one place to another. 

And while she was still kicking my tummy and stretching my body to a new level, the questions began.

"So, how many children are you planning to have?". "You better not wait long so they can become best friends!"

It didn't bother me at the time because I was certainly not thinking about it.

There were more important things on my mind, such as learning how to bathe a newborn or choose the right crib.

I also wondered if I could take care of my daughter without help or what to do when it was time to return to work.

Therefore, whether or not to have another child was not at the top of my list.

A magical moment

January 21, 2013, was the day our lives changed completely.

I had a C-section scheduled for the 23rd and went to the hospital to see the anesthetist.

Within minutes of leaving the room, my water broke!

Olivia probably had enough and wanted to take advantage of the fact that we were already there!

From that day on, I can firmly attest that my life has never been the same.

I believe it's the most significant change in someone's life. Everything changes!

Well, at least my life certainly changed. 

Conflicted feelings about having only one child

And then, the questions kept coming more and more often.

As if I had to report to the world how my husband and I were family planning.

By the time Olivia was one, the pressure had become surreal.

Everyone had something to say. While most were sympathetic (or tried to be), some were harsh.

Once, an OB/GYN told me that I would be very selfish if I decided not to give Olivia a sibling.

She would blame me in the future, and I would regret it!

Also heard (more than once) that I would only know what a family is when I have a second child.

Because before that, it's simply a couple with a child!?!

But from the moment she came into our lives, I felt totally complete!

As if I finally had my life on the right path and achieved my highest goal.

So why should I ask for more?

Yes, I've had many moments of self-doubt and spent more time than I wished thinking about it.

Not because I wanted to but because I couldn't get the thought of depriving my child of having a sibling out of my mind.

However, I didn't want to have another child just to give my daughter a "gift."

And to be honest, it never felt like the right moment to do so.

Deep inside, I sensed that having another one would be too much for us to handle.

So instead of being a blessing, it could be a curse…

I felt that I couldn't take care of another child and still be the mother I wanted to be for Olivia, a good wife (and mentally sane partner) for my husband, and the professional I've always aspired to be.

The fact that I never had my family nearby to support me, had a husband traveling most of the time, worked full-time, and had a super active, energetic toddler that demanded a lot of my energy and time didn't encourage me to go for a second one.

Also, I have this motto "if you decide to do something, do your best!"

So, my idea of the best mom would only allow me to stretch to one.

I know some people can, and they do it beautifully. But I can't! Not the way that I imagined my own motherhood.

She turned out just fine!

Whatever the reason(s) we decided to be part of the falling fertility trend, the truth is that it doesn't matter.

The final result is the same – I have an only-child daughter.

But you know what?

She turned out to be an extroverted, caring, social, funny, happy, and generous girl!

Unlike the dreaded only-child traits, like being selfish, anti-social, spoiled, or bossy.

Most importantly, she loves being the one and only!

I’ve heard her express happiness and gratitude because she is an only child several times. Gladly, she sees its benefits.

Of course, she has ups and downs like any other child her age.

Nevertheless, we're incredibly proud of how she's been developing and becoming a "good" human being. 

Final words on having only one child

I don't think there is a "right" number of children that a woman should have.

Nor do I believe that a couple must have a child to become a family or even that you have to marry to have a happy ending.

People have distinct needs, lifestyles, personalities, and aspirations.

For example, some like to be super hands-on in raising kids.

Others lean towards the delegating type. What works for some might not work for others!

Given all these differences, I think it's every family's choice – and only theirs – how many children (if any) they want.

People will always judge, but nobody has the right to make us feel less because of our choices – and sometimes, it's simply not a choice.

We should never forget that, either.

Ultimately, what really matters is the quality and not the quantity! So let's make the most of it!

Be present, supportive, kind, loving, attentive, funny, generous, and firm when needed.

Lead by example! Teach your child to be kind, treat people fairly, be more tolerant, and not judgmental.

This will really define your child's personality, not the number of siblings they grew up with.