The Common Reasons Families Have Only One Child

In a world where two is the ideal number, having only one child seems more of an exception than the rule.

Folks often assume that you’re being selfish or might have a medical condition. While those reasons might be valid for some, they don’t apply to everyone.

There are many reasons why families have only one child.

Sometimes it’s because that’s what works for them, while others have had a miscarriage or can’t care for more than one child.

No matter the reason, one-child families are becoming increasingly common worldwide.

Here are some of the most frequent reasons families choose to have just one kid.

Focus on Career

For many people, having a career is a priority or a necessity. Though having children is also essential, they may feel they can’t keep up with their jobs if they have to stretch thin raising multiple kids.

Because, let’s face it, having kids, and a thriving career is far from a breeze. It’s a considerable challenge juggling both without dropping the balls from time to time or all the time!

According to a study, one child produces a “penalty” of 6% of earnings, while two children have a wage penalty of 13%. 

Thus, for many working women, a one-child family is the ideal way to live a fulfilling life professionally and personally without further compromises.

Fertility Issues

While there are several reasons families have only one child, fertility issues are one of the most significant reasons.

The National Institute of Health says that about 9% of men and 11% of women of reproductive age in the U.S. have experienced fertility problems. 

Others conceived the first child without medical intervention but had trouble the second time. This is known as secondary infertility.

According to research published in 2014, secondary fertility affects approximately 11% of couples in the United States.

This factor often results in couples undergoing expensive and invasive treatments to have another baby.

As a result, many couples choose not to have more children due to its overwhelming costs and psychological and physical challenges.

Single Parent

People often assume that a family consists of 2 parents. However, that’s not always the case. Families come in different sizes, and single-parent families are one of them.

The share of U.S. children living with a single parent has been rising for years.

In fact, according to research, the U.S. has the highest percentage of single-parent families. 23% of children under the age of 18 live with one parent. The U.K. follows them with 21%.

(Source: Pew Research)

Being the sole parent of a child, whether by choice or circumstance, can be a rewarding experience. But it’s also a lot of work and comes with its challenges.

For once, single parents often have to take on the role of both mother and father.

Not to mention, they often face financial strain and have difficulty making ends meet. According to a report by Pew Research, 27% of single-parent families in America live below the poverty line.

Hence, it’s unsurprising that many solo parents tend to have a singleton. Having one child is often less expensive and easier to manage than having multiple children.

Divorced

Raising a child without a partner can put any person on edge, like single parents.

On top of the difficulties that come with being the prime caregiver, divorced parents also tend to face additional obstacles, such as child custody battles and child support payments.

“I always dreamed about having a big family; I planned to have three kids. However, my marriage fell apart when my son was about to turn 1. We ended up divorcing shortly after,” said Jenny, a mom to a 10-year-old.

After the divorce, Jenny wasn’t sure if she wanted to have more children. She was a single mom raising her son independently. She was also dealing with constant conflicts with her ex-husband.

Eventually, Jenny decided she didn’t have the capacity and stability to have more kids, even after finding a new partner.

Partner Doesn’t Want Another One.

You want another child, but your partner doesn’t. Unfortunately, this is a common scenario for many couples.

Not everyone is on the same page when it comes to having kids. Some people want a big family, while others are happy with one kid or none.

If you and your partner can’t agree on whether or not to have another child, it can put a lot of strain on your relationship. This was one of the reasons cited in a study of divorced couples.

Hence, it’s not surprising that many couples decide to have only one child. If they can’t agree about having more children, having one is often more manageable and less stressful.

Age

For women who became mothers later in life, or waited too long to try for another one, having more children if you are already in your late’s 30 or early 40s, comes with its own set of challenges.

For instance, you are more likely to experience complications during pregnancy and childbirth. You are also at a higher risk of developing chronic health conditions like diabetes.

All these factors can often lead to couples in their late 30s or early 40s deciding to have only one child.

They might not want to go through the challenges and risks of having a second child at an older age.

Mental Health

Traumatic pregnancy or birth, sleep deprivation, trouble breastfeeding, hormone changes, and postpartum depression are why having a baby can be tough on your mental health.

“After I had my son, I experienced postpartum depression. It was tough for me to take care of him and myself at the same time. I was exhausted all the time and felt like I couldn’t do anything right,” said Sarah, a mother of one.

Sarah is not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), one in ten women experiences symptoms of postpartum depression.

Though postpartum depression might be the most common mental illness that can often lead to parents deciding to have only one child, there are other less known such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and postpartum psychosis (PPP).

The experience of going through such intense emotions can often lead to parents deciding to have only one child.

They might not want to put themselves through the same experience again, or they might not want to put their child through the experience of having a parent with mental health issues.

Financial Constraint

Having a child is not a cheap endeavor. A U.S. Department of Agriculture report states that the average cost of raising a child from birth to age 18 is $233,610.

(Source: U.S. Department of Agriculture)

This figure does not even include the cost of higher education. With the rising cost of living and the increasing costs of education, it’s no wonder that many couples are deciding to have only one child.

“We couldn’t afford to have another child. We already had one in a private school, and we knew that we wouldn’t be able to send two kids to a private school. It was a tough decision, but we decided to have only one child,” said John, a father of one.

On top of that, being able to provide experiences for your kid can also be costly. The costs can quickly add up, from dance classes and soccer camp to piano lessons and travel.

So, having two children or more might not be financially feasible for some families.

Lack of Support

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but sometimes it can be hard to find that village.

According to a 2016 National Institute of Health report, nearly 60 percent of mothers in the United States do not have enough social and emotional support.

This can often lead to parents feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and lonely.

“I didn’t have family nearby, and my husband worked long hours. I felt so isolated and alone. I think that’s one of the reasons why we decided to have only one child,” said Emily, a mother of one.

A support system can make a big difference in your decision to increase your family size.

Miscarriage

Miscarriage is the most common type of pregnancy loss. About 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. 

“We had a miscarriage before our daughter was born. It was a really tough experience, and it made us realize that we were lucky to have one healthy child. So we decided we didn’t want to risk having another child,” said Kate, a mother of one.

Miscarriage can be a traumatic experience, and it’s not something that couples often talk about.

But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone if you’ve experienced a miscarriage.

You’re One and Done by Choice

Choosing to have one child might seem unreasonable to some people. Why would you deprive your child of the experience of having siblings? It seems cruel and selfish to many.

Yet, there has been a growing number of families who choose to have one child and are more than happy with the decision – me included! There are many benefits to parenting one child.

I confess that I felt guilty when Olivia was little, but not because I wanted to have another child or because she was asking for a sibling.

Instead, the immense societal pressure made me doubt my own needs.

Nevertheless, we absolutely love our triangle family. There is a myriad of advantages to that.

I love and appreciate the strong bond I have with my daughter and the unique relationship we have created.

A Mix of All the Above

Ultimately, deciding to have a one-child family is more like a multiple-choice than a pick-one-answer. And most importantly, it’s a personal decision.

Some families might have one child because they are financially conscious and went through a miscarriage.

At the same time, others got divorced and are also happy raising one child.

Whether you’re considering having one child because of mental health concerns or simply want the freedom and flexibility to focus on your only child, know that you’re not alone in your decision.

Parenting is hard enough as it is. So don’t feel guilty for making the choice that’s right for you and your family or for not being able to have more children.

The most important thing is that you love and care for your child. They deserve all of your attention, love, and support.