The Empty Nest Syndrome: A Guide for Only Child Mothers

For years, you lived a hectic routine of juggling your child's busy schedule with your own life.

You were the driver, the cook, the cleaner, the teacher, and the therapist all rolled into one.

Then, one day, you wake up to find that empty nest syndrome has set in.

It can be a shocking realization, particularly for full-time parents who dedicated a tremendous amount of time to raising their only child.

It can be hard to let go and accept that your role as a parent is changing.

While it is perfectly normal for parents to bear a sense of loss, there are things you can do to prevent the empty nest syndrome from taking over.

What is the empty nest syndrome?

You may feel like a lost chicken once your kid has flown the coop. As a result, many parents feel sad and fearful, feel lost, and have difficulty adjusting to their new roles.

This feeling is called empty nest syndrome, and the term was clinically identified and popularized in the 1970s.

The empty nest may cause emotional turmoil, and you might feel like you have lost your self-identity and purpose in life. 

Moreover, the empty nest parent may feel sad and worthless and wonder what to do with their free time when their children leave home.

It is often accompanied by uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anxiety, and grief.

Despite these feelings being completely normal to some extent, trying to prevent empty nest syndrome from taking hold in your life is essential.

What are the signs of empty nest syndrome?

As empty-nesters, you might feel lost and alone during the first few weeks after your only child leaves home.

In addition to feeling purposeless, empty nesters may also experience fatigue, insomnia, difficulty concentrating, physical aches and pains, or a lack of interest in activities that used to bring them joy.

Here are some common symptoms of empty nest parents could experience:

1. Lack of Purpose – You suddenly have more time. With your adult child gone, you no longer have to worry about carpools, homework, and after-school activities. Having more time can be good, but it can also leave you bored and lonely after all the years of caring for your child.

2. Marriage Conflict – You might feel like your marriage is a rut. After all, you spent much of your time being a full-time parent and might have neglected your relationship. Also, when you're used to having your child around, adjusting to spending more time with your spouse can be challenging.

3. Emotional Distress – You become more sentimental and may look at old photo albums or watch home videos more often. Though this is absolutely normal during the first few weeks, it can become an unhealthy habit and interfere with your everyday life if it persists for too long.

4. Excessive Worries and Anxiety – Even though there is no evidence of anything wrong with your grown-up child, you spend much of your day concerned about their well-being. 

While people experience grief and changes in different ways, it usually takes a few months, on average 3, for most parents to get over the emptiness symptom and resume their everyday lives, according to a survey.

Nevertheless, suppose you're struggling to cope with an empty nest and feel it's worsening instead of overcoming the negative emotions.

In that case, you should seek health professional support because these signs may start a mental illness like depression or anxiety disorders.

Why are some parents more susceptible than others?

Though empty nest syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis, it doesn't mean it's not real. Just ask any parent who's gone through it.

The sudden lack of daily contact with your child can be challenging, especially for stay-at-home parents. But why does it seem to affect some parents more than others?

Research suggests that women who believe their role as mothers is to dedicate their lives to their children to a point where their needs have been suppressed for their kids' needs make them particularly more susceptible to the empty-nest syndrome.

Hence, you may feel lost and purposeless once your children leave home if you only have a little time for hobbies or interests outside parenting.

Additionally, for moms who didn't have much of a social support system during their child's upbringing – whether from a partner or other family members – the loneliness and isolation you may feel after their young adult leave can intensify.

Of course, this isn't to say that all parents who fall into these categories struggle with the empty-nester syndrome.

And plenty of other factors can contribute to how severe the syndrome is for any individual. But it's worth considering if you struggle more than expected after your child moves out.

How do we deal with the empty nest syndrome when it arises?

So, your baby is grown up and about to leave the nest. As a parent, this can be a tough transition. Many mothers may feel adrift, anxious, or even angry.

But there are things you can do to prevent the empty nest syndrome before and after your child leaves home. Here are a few recommendations from experts:

1. Stay connected. Keep communication open and let your child know you're there for them. Phone calls, emails, and messages, done in a "healthy" way, are always welcome.

2. Find new interests or activities to fill the time you used to spend with your child. It can be anything from taking up yoga, cooking lessons, and learning a new language. Research suggests that taking up a hobby is associated with decreased depressive symptoms and lower chances of experiencing depression.

3. Lean on your support system, whether it's your partner, family, or friends. Spending quality time with people you enjoy being with and talking about your feelings can help you cope with the changes in your life.

4. Become a volunteer. In my opinion, volunteer work is one of the most fulfilling activities you can do to ease the signs of empty-nest syndrome. Volunteering gives you a sense of purpose and belonging and helps you feel needed and valuable. It will likely make a difference in your life and the lives of those you help.

5. Reconnect with your partner. Whether going on dates, taking weekend trips, or spending more time together, re-establishing a solid connection with your partner can help ease the symptoms. Together, you can overcome the empty-nest syndrome and rediscover the joys of companionship.

6. Be positive and focus on the good things about having an empty nest. It's a new chapter in your life and an opportunity to focus on your needs and goals. Enjoy the sensation of having more freedom and use it to explore new places and have meaningful experiences. Besides, you should be proud that your child has become an independent soul flying solo to build their own story.

7. Seek professional help if needed. If, even after trying different things, you still struggle to adjust to your new reality, don't be afraid to seek out a family physician. In addition, talking to a mental health professional who understands what you're going through can be beneficial.

The takeaway

The empty nest syndrome can be an emotionally difficult transition for many, especially for single parents and those with only one child.

However, with effort, you can find ways to cope with an empty nest, enjoy your newfound freedom, and make the most of this new phase in your independent life.

With the right attitude, empty nesting doesn't have to be a source of despair; instead, it can offer a chance to explore new possibilities in life!

There are plenty of things that you can do to stay busy, happy, and fulfilled post-parenting life.

The main message is to stay active and sharpen your mind and body.

Remember that this is just another chapter in life that offers plenty of opportunities for growth and development.

Ultimately, being proud of what your child has accomplished with your support will make all the difference as they embark on their journey into adulthood.

Nevertheless, if you struggle to adjust, do not hesitate to ask for help. There is no shame in seeking the advice of a professional.