Are Only Children Lonely? Or is This Just Another Myth?
Many people seem to think that only children are synonymous with loneliness. But are only children any lonelier than children with siblings?
The answer, according to the research, is no. Being lonely is not directly correlated with having or not having siblings.
In fact, research has shown that adults who grew up with siblings are equally likely to experience loneliness. So why do people continue to believe this misconception?
The reason lies in our perceptions and biases about only children. This blog post will explore the meaning of loneliness and dispel some of the myths surrounding it!
What does it mean to be lonely?
The American Psychological Association dictionary defines loneliness as affective and cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself alone or otherwise solitary.
Although loneliness is defined as the feeling of isolation or being alone, it is essential to note that loneliness is a feeling, not an actual state.
In summary, this means a person could still feel lonely even if surrounded by people.
On the other hand, you can be by yourself yet still feel connected and supported by parents, relatives, and friends.
Moreover, how we feel about our social relationships matters, not the number of social connections we have.
What are the types of loneliness?
There are three types of loneliness: social, emotional, and existential.
Social loneliness is not having close friends or confidants in your circle. For example, when a child moves to a new school or city and doesn't have other children to play with.
Emotional loneliness is feeling emotionally disconnected from others or not receiving the emotional support you need.
An example is when a child feels like people don't understand them. Or they don't receive the reassurance they need from their family members.
Existential loneliness is the feeling of being away from the meaning and purpose of your life.
Though it's not common for young children to experience existential loneliness, it can happen as we age. For example, when a person divorces or loses their job.
What are common causes that can make a child feel lonely?
There are several causes of loneliness in young children, which differ for each child. But, according to research, these are some of the most common reasons:
Conflict at home. For example, parents go through a divorce.
A change in life circumstances, such as moving to a new school or city.
Losing a best friend, pet, or personal object/possession.
Being rejected or when the child doesn't get along with their peers.
Lacking social skills to make friends.
Possessing a type of personality that is less likely to make friends, such as being shy or introverted.
Suffering bullying at school.
Is your child lonely or bored?
"Mom, I'm bored"! How many times have you heard your kid cry out these words?
People usually mistake children complaining of boredom as lonely children. But, actually, they are two different things.
Boredom happens when there are no stimulating activities to do, whereas loneliness is the feeling of being detached from others.
Both feelings can happen with any child and at any age - regardless of whether living in a single-child family or one with multiple children.
Just because kids are unhappy being solo doesn't necessarily mean they're lonely. Some children may have difficulty keeping themselves busy without adult supervision or playmates.
On the other hand, some children tend to be more independent and can happily play on their own without feeling lonely or bored. So, it's crucial to be able to distinguish the two.
Experts say boredom can help children develop valuable skills and enhance creativity and self-esteem. Hence, allow your child to be bored without jumping out to entertain them whenever they say these words.
When you teach your child to play independently at an early age, they are less likely to feel bored or lonely. In addition, they learn to appreciate better those moments they spend engaged in some activity.
So, are only children any lonelier than kids with siblings?
The American Journal of Orthopsychiatry conducted studies on the effect of loneliness in Chinese-only children due to the long-term one-child policy in China.
In summary, the researchers concluded that belief in the loneliness of onlies is widespread in Chinese society.
However, contrary to the idea, evidence indicates that reports of loneliness are more significant for those who grew up with siblings.
The typical concern about being an only child and loneliness is based on the idea that only children have a sibling deficit, which leads to loneliness.
Nevertheless, recent research suggests that the stronger parent-child relationships of only-child families may compensate for the lack of sibling interaction.
Furthermore, data suggests that the one-child policy helped shift the focus of the Chinese family to be more child-centered, bringing relatives, including grandparents, to share a close bond.
As a result, frequent communication with their grandparents enhanced Chinese-only children's social skills.
It is also important to remember that sibling relationships are not always positive and can even be detrimental.
That is to say, research has found that having a distant connection with a sibling can actually increase feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Loneliness is not about being physically alone but feeling disconnected from others.
So, even if a child has siblings, they can still feel lonesome if they don't feel close to them or are experiencing other life difficulties.
The bottom line is that loneliness is not directly correlated with having or not having siblings. Instead, it is an everyday experience that could happen to anyone, regardless of their family situation.
How do you help your child avoid the feeling of being lonely?
The best way to help your child avoid the feeling of being lonely is by teaching them how to understand their emotions and learn to connect with others.
Below are some examples of how you can do that.
Spend quality time with your child - Give your child undivided attention whenever possible.
Encourage your kid to express their feelings - Help them find words to describe their emotions.
Teach your child how to make friends - Help them understand the importance of friendships and how to develop them.
Encourage your child to join extracurricular activities and clubs - Joining activities will help them meet new friends, develop life skills, and find groups with similar interests.
Inspire your child to nurture a healthy relationship from a young age. The earlier they learn the benefits of a favorable relationship, the better.
Final takeaway
Unfortunately, the only-child syndrome is still a thing. Only children are often seen as spoiled, selfish, and lonely today. But the truth is, several studies have already proved them wrong.
Loneliness is not directly correlated with having or not having siblings. Instead, it is an experience that can happen to anyone.
I always use my life as an example. Though I grew up with three sisters, I vividly remember feeling isolated more frequently than I wished.
My sisters couldn't fill in the void I had throughout my childhood.
In theory, I wasn't supposed to feel lonely since I had a house full of playmates. Nevertheless, I was constantly seeking my parent's approval and attention, especially from my mother.
The fact that a child has siblings doesn't guarantee that they won't feel like an outcast.
As mentioned earlier, loneliness is an experience that can happen to anyone, whether you grew up with or without siblings.
How you parent your child probably significantly impacts your child's development and behaviors more than the number of siblings they might have.
So, to all parents of a singleton, don't worry! You are not doing your child any disservice.
Instead, focus on creating a solid emotional bond with your child and giving them the love and attention they need.
Some children will thrive in larger families, while others might flourish growing up without siblings.
And remember, a child's personality plays a significant role in how they perceive and deal with loneliness.
