Why Some Kids Create Imaginary Friends

“Mom, I want you to meet my best friend, Mia.” 4-year-old Sarah said as she walked into the room with an empty chair in tow.

“Mia’s been staying with us for a few weeks now, and I just love her to death!” Sarah continued, beaming with pride.

As it turns out, Mia is Sarah’s imaginary friend. And according to child development experts, she’s not alone.

In fact, it’s pretty common for kids to create imaginary friends during their early years.

Though most of us grow out of make-believe friends as we get older, they remain an important part of our lives for some kids.

So what are imaginary friends, and why do kids create them? Let’s take a look.

What is an Imaginary Friend, And Why Do Some Kids Create Them?

The definition of imaginary friend or imaginary companion (IC) used by most researchers is “an invisible character, named and referred to in conversation with other persons or played with directly for a while, at least several months, having an air of reality for the child but no apparent objective basis.”

There are several theories about why this happens. Still, one of the most popular explanations is that it’s all about self-exploration and having fun! By creating an imaginary friend, young children can experiment with different sides of their personalities without judgment or consequences.

They can also use their invisible friends to process and make sense of the world around them. It can be a better coping strategy when they must work through difficult emotions or problems.

Whatever the reason, imaginary friends can provide comfort and companionship for kids when they need it most.

According to Tracy Gleason, professor of Psychology, “kids who create them tend to be pretty sociable. They’re often less shy, for example than other kids. And they also tend to be kids who are really into fantasy; they engage in a lot of pretend play, even independent of their imaginary companions”.

Is Having Imaginary Friends Normal?

It’s perfectly normal for kids to have imaginary friends. These make-believe companions are much more common than people might think.

Many studies have demonstrated that this is usually the regular part of a child’s imagination, especially in preschool children.

Recent research shows that around 65% of kids up to the age of 7 had an imaginary companion at some point in their lives.

Imaginary friends are linked to positive development. They can also teach children to share their thoughts and feelings, empathize with others, and understand the perspective of others.

Is an Imaginary Friend an Only-Child Thing?

For a long time, people believed that imaginary companies were exclusive to only children or firstborns to compensate for the absence of a brother or sister.

However, researchers have debunked this notion over the years. 

Marjorie Taylor, professor of psychology at the University of Oregon and author of Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them, confirms:

 “It is not solely children who are firstborns or who have no siblings who create imaginary companions, and the appearance of an imaginary companion in the lives of these children is not necessarily a sign of loneliness or psychological distress.”

Studies have shown that invisible friends are more common in kids who have siblings!

It’s thought that this might be because kids with siblings learn how to interact and communicate with others from an early age, which helps them develop the skills they need to create imaginary worlds.

 How Should Parents React When Their Child Has Imaginary Friends?

Experts advise that the best reaction is one of acceptance. Parents should try to be supportive and understanding since the children’s invisible friends can be a positive experience in a child’s life.

But what do you do when your child’s imaginary friend starts making demands? 

Gleason recommends that parents need to decide where they want to put the limits, as with everything else.

According to her, you can easily say things like, ‘Well, imaginary companions get imaginary food,’ instead of serving a plate of food to the imaginary companion.

It’s also important to stay calm and set clear boundaries. For example, explain to your child that while their imaginary friend is welcome in the house, they need to respect the rules like everyone else.

Doing so will help your child understand that they are still in charge, even if their imaginary friend is trying to take over. 

How Does Having an Imaginary Friend Benefit a Child’s Development?

It is thought that imaginary friends may be an integral component of child development.

For decades, scientists have investigated the health effects of imaginary friends. Here are just a few of the benefits linked to having an imaginary friend:

1. Increased creativity: children’s imaginary companions provide an outlet for them to express their creativity. They create stories and scenarios featuring their imaginary friends so they learn to think outside the box and develop new ideas.

2. Improved social skills: Kids with an invisible friend often learn better social skills. The reason is that they practice interacting with their imaginary friends, learning how to communicate, and resolving conflicts. Then after practicing, children can apply these skills in real-life interactions with their friends. 

3. Greater emotional security: Children with imaginary friends often feel more emotionally secure. This is because they always have someone to talk to, even when no one else is around. Additionally, children with imaginary friends often feel less alone and emotionally supported.

Can Imaginary Friends Become a Problem?

Many children have imaginary friends, and for the most part, these relationships are harmless.

They can even benefit kids, giving them an outlet to express their feelings and explore their imaginations.

However, sometimes, the invisible friend can harm a child’s development. Here are signs that your kid’s imaginary friend might be cause for concern:

1. Your child seems afraid of their imaginary friend

2. They constantly blame their invisible friend for their misbehavior

3. The child’s behavior changes when they are with their imaginary friend

4. Your child seems unable to separate from their imaginary friend

5. They start having trouble or difficulties socializing with real friends

If you’re concerned about your child’s imaginary friend, you must talk to them about it. In most cases, simply discussing with your child will be enough to help them understand any problems they might have. However, if the problem persists, it’s vital to seek professional help.

What Age do Kids Usually Grow Out of It?

It’s a question every parent has asked themselves at some point: when will my child outgrow their imaginary friend?

But, of course, every child is different and will grow out their make-believe friend in their own time.

Nevertheless, according to experts, the answer is usually around age seven. That’s when kids start to develop what psychologists call “consensus reality,” which is the understanding that everyone sees and experiences the world similarly.

Before that age, children are still in what’s known as a “private reality,” where they believe that their thoughts and experiences are the only ones that matter.

However, as kids grow older, they gradually realize that other people have their thoughts and feelings when imaginary friends usually disappear.

 The Bottom Line

Imaginary friends provide children with a way to explore their imaginations and express their feelings.

They are usually harmless and help kids learn social skills and develop a greater sense of emotional security.

If you are up to it, you can even make part of your child’s make-believe fantasy so you can learn more about their thoughts and emotions.

It’s an excellent opportunity to connect with your child and strengthen the bond.