How to Make Sure You Won’t Raise a Spoiled Child

Do you want to make sure your child won't be spoiled?

You're not alone. Many parents are worried about raising their children without spoiling them rotten. 

And being an only-child parent, it's an even more critical task to make sure the stereotype won't take shape.

However, it is challenging to find the right balance between indulging your kids' wishes and raising grateful children who know how to work for what they want.

Children can't spoil themselves – contrary to my MIL's belief!

So, you can help them by following these arduous yet straightforward tips, and your child will grow into a well-adjusted adult.

How to know if you're raising a spoiled child

Chances are, you're raising a spoiled child if they don't respect boundaries, rules, or limits when meeting their needs and wants.

They might throw tantrums or get aggressive if something doesn't go their way. 

The key is to recognize bad behavior in your child early on and address it promptly.

Lack of Gratitude

Spoiled kids will take what they have for granted and won't be thankful for it.

As a result, they rarely show appreciation for the things they receive, expecting them as a matter of course.

Entitlement

Children who expect to get what they want without making an effort or feeling like they deserve special treatment.

A spoiled child won't take no for an answer and may argue with you or melt down if they don't get what they think they are entitled to.

Poor Empathy

When a child is spoiled, they rarely accept responsibility for what they do and cannot empathize with others.

As a result, they won't be able to understand the feelings of others or acknowledge how their actions might affect them.

Demanding and Manipulative Behavior

There is never an end to the luxuries a spoiled child wants, regardless of the costs or consequences.

When they do not get their way, they might go through the roof or use guilt trips to manipulate you.

For example, they may say they don't love you anymore when you don't give them what they want.

Immediate Gratification

A spoiled child can't wait for something and demands it immediately.

In addition, they expect to get what they want without putting effort into it.

Their patience and resilience will be compromised if they don't get what they want quickly.

They Don't play well with others

Spoiled children are more focused on their needs than on others.

Due to this, they tend to be selfish and unable to interact well with other kids.

They might also feel better than everyone else, resulting in arrogant and immature behavior.

They are not good losers

Because they often have everything their way, a spoiled child won't be able to cope with losing gracefully.

Instead, they might become overly frustrated or lash out when they don't win.

They will only do what is asked if he gets a reward

A spoiled child may only be willing to do something if he gets something in return.

They will expect a reward for completing any task, big or small, from getting candy to a trip to Disneyland.

How to avoid spoiling your child

Don't Overindulge Over Guiltness

The other day I saw a post on IG with a picture of a toddler surrounded by gifts, with the caption, "I was traveling for work, and my mom's guilt made me buy lots of toys for my child."

Feeling guilty is one of the main reasons parents give in to their children's demands.

For example, they had to travel for work, the kid didn't have friends, the child had a bad week, the parents were divorced, etc.

Often, it's a way for them to make up for something they feel is missing in their child's life or for something that upsets them.

Let's stop right there. Spoiled children are the result of guilt, not love.

Therefore, it's crucial to understand that spoiling hurts your child rather than helping it. 

Presents and compliance with their demands only compensate for things.

If you feel guilty about anything, use it to spend more quality time together or teach them how to handle similar situations in the future.

The key is finding the right balance between gifts and unconditional attention; I'm sure you know when you're overdoing it.

Don't Give In To Their Meltdowns

Occasional temper tantrums are a normal part of your child's development.

Children experience them as they learn to become more independent, and usually, it's not a reflection of poor parenting.

This is most common between ages 1 and 4, with an average of one daily. 

However, suppose the child has persistent meltdowns for no apparent reason.

In that case, it can be a sign of spoiling behavior, and you need to take action.

Children learn quickly that screaming and crying can get them what they want.

Therefore, if you give into their outbursts, you're teaching them that this behavior is acceptable, and they will continue doing it.

The best way to handle this situation is to stay calm and not give in.

I know, easier said than done.

But If you're in a safe position, try to ignore the tantrums and focus on your child only when they're calmer and able to listen to you.

Allow your child to express themselves, but do not reward the tantrum.

Instead, talk calmly and explain why they can't get what they want.

And praise them when they calm themselves down and listen to your reasoning.

Kids need boundaries and discipline as much as they need love and attention.

Of course, you need a lot (I mean, a lot) of strength initially, but this will pay off, trust me.

Let Them Feel Disappointed

You're in a store, and your child wants to buy the latest phone, but you can't afford it, or it’s not the right time.

So you tell him at least it's not possible for the next few months.

"No! I don't want to wait. My phone is old, and all my friends have the latest model. I want it right now!."

Spoiled children are the ones that rarely come across something they can't afford or experience too many comforts that make them feel entitled to everything.

Children need disappointment as much as they need limits and boundaries. 

"Disappointment is actually a healthy and positive emotion that plays an essential role in children's emotional, intellectual, and social development. But only if—and it's a big if—you and your children understand the value of helping them achieve their goals." Jim Taylor, Ph.D.

Trying to avoid disappointment is delaying it for later in life when your kid will have to face the real world, and not everyone will give in to their demands.

You are certainly doing them a disservice by providing everything they ask for.

Don't Debate Your House Rules

Your child wants to eat the chocolates you just bought, but you have a rule that sweets are only allowed on the weekends.

So whenever she sees the box, she cries and asks for it.

Kids are the masters of debate, so they keep asking and convincing you every time.

Also, children learn to play the guilt card whenever they can't get their way, so don't fall for it.

Every time you set a rule or say no to something, you must stick to it.

If you don't, you'll likely lose credibility, and your future directions will be ignored.

You may feel like every day is a battle regarding discipline, but think about what's in it for both of you.

 It might be the more straightforward solution in the short term, but you'll likely regret it in the long run.

Give Encouragement Instead of Gift

It's always nice to give your child a little present when they do something good, but did you know that praising them is more important?

Studies have shown that when you praise your children for their good deeds, they are likelier to repeat those acts in the future. 

On the other hand, children who only receive gifts tend to do the act only for the reward and stop once they no longer receive incentives.

Praising your child encourages them to do good things and teaches them how to feel good about themselves from within.

This is an essential life skill that will help them throughout their lives.

Nevertheless, avoid overpraising them, or this can backfire on your good intentions.

Make Children Accountable For Their Belongings

Many parents don't give a second thought to where their child puts their things. 

Suppose you always pick up after their things or "help" them by finding out whatever they are searching for (more like asking for!).

What motivation would they have to do it themselves?

Gaining responsibility for your belonging starts at home.

But first, kids need to learn to appreciate what they have, and one of the crucial steps is to make them accountable for what they own.

Give Your Child Some Child-Appropriate Chores

As much as it's quicker and easier to tidy up after their mess instead of asking for the millionth time, it's crucial to teach them the importance of responsibility.

One way to do it is by giving your child some age-appropriate chores.

It can be as simple as picking up after their toys or setting up the dining table.

By doing so, your child will learn not to take everything for granted and that everyone in the house is responsible for contributing to the family tasks.

Don't Shield Your Child From Difficult Emotions and Situations

Another common cause of spoiled children is that parents shield them from negative emotions and situations.

From not letting your child wait in line to get his favorite ice cream to stepping in whenever they have a fallout with a friend, spoiled children never learn how to deal with negative emotions on their own. 

As a result, they never face disappointment or frustration and don't learn how to manage it because of this overprotection.

Suppose you always rescue or shelter them from situations where they need to approach difficult emotions.

In that case, they will not be able to handle it when they become adults.

Finally, Consistency Matters!

It's tempting to make your child happy every time, especially if they've been doing well.

Nevertheless, children often take advantage of the situation and push their limits.

Be consistent with your rules, and be sure to follow through.

If children learn that they can get away with destructive behaviors sometimes, they will continue doing so.

It's never too late to change your parenting habits, and starting early will make it much easier for you.

Takeaway

“Spoiled behaviors and attitudes are learned, so they can also be unlearned”.

According to Dr. Michele Borba, an educational psychologist.

Therefore, your parenting style could have a massive impact on whether or not you'll raise a spoiled child.

Remember that providing guidance, emotional support, setting boundaries, and making your child accountable are the most effective methods.

Hence, they learn how to deal with destructive behaviors healthily and become responsible adults.

The key is to be consistent and ensure your child understands they are only entitled to some things.

While avoiding spoiling your child altogether may be difficult, following these tips should help minimize its adverse effects.

By being mindful of how you interact with your child and what you give them, you can help ensure that they grow up happy, healthy, and well-rounded adults.