Dispelling Myths: The Truth About Only Children and Loneliness
I'll confess: for a long time, I worried that Olivia would be "lonely only." After all, many people I knew raised this concern.
So won't she be lonely on her own?
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking only children will be lonely. But the truth is, only children are not necessarily more lonely than kids with siblings.
New studies confirm what other parents of only children and I have understood instinctively: the "lonely only child" stereotype isn't real.
To get to the heart of this issue, let's bust some common myths about only children below.
Myth 1: Only children are lonely.
Reality 1: Only children aren't any lonelier than kids with siblings.
The more, the merrier. Or lonely in a crowd?
A recent study on Chinese children showed that those with siblings reported greater loneliness compared to only children.
This study is interesting because loneliness was found to be a big problem – just not one specific to only children.
Helping build strong relationships should be a universal strategy for all kids – whether only children or kids with siblings.
Myth 2: Only children spend more time alone and become socially isolated.
Reality 2: Only children learn how to entertain themselves and reap the benefits of alone time.
Social isolation and loneliness are related, but they are not the same.
Loneliness is caused by the difference between a person's anticipated and actual interpersonal or emotional connections.
In contrast, social isolation measures meaningful relationships and human contact.
To sum up, loneliness is the feeling, and social isolation is the lack of connections.
You can still feel lonely, surrounded by people, and connected even when alone.
In fact, recent studies show that alone time is good for kids.
It can increase empathy and creativity and reduce behavioral problems in kids.
Furthermore, it can help them develop a greater sense of self-reliance and become more independent and resourceful.
Of course, this is not to say that only children never feel lonely.
Everyone experiences loneliness at some point in their lives.
However, knowing how to manage time alone can make kids "rarely feel isolated or lonely."
Myth 3: Only-child families are in the minority and will feel like they're missing out.
Reality 3: Onlies are more common than ever and may become the default family formation.
(Source: The World Bank)
While only children may have been the odd ones out in the past, onlies are becoming increasingly common.
Families across the world are deciding to have fewer children.
As you can see above, the fertility rate has dropped enormously in the last sixty years.
According to the BBC, this trend continues strong, and up to 23 nations may see their populations halve by 2100.
This is important to remember, as only-child families may soon become the norm.
Only children are unlikely to feel like they're "missing out" when most of their friends are singletons too.
Myth 4: Only children will become resentful about not having siblings.
Reality 4: This anxiety is usually brought on by parents, and kids pick up on it.
Sometimes only children can become angry or sad that they don't have siblings, but it's almost always a phase.
However, parents who worry about this can negatively condition their kids.
Try not to show or spread your anxiety about having an only kid, or they will likely pick up on it.
Onlies usually come around and enjoy the benefits of being an only instead of dwelling on not having siblings.
The opposite can happen to children that have siblings.
They might not get along with their brothers or sisters and complain every now and then.
Would you also feel guilty for having more than one?
Or feel "sorry" for your child who is complaining? I guess not…
Myth 5: Only children have fewer friends and are "weird."
Reality 5: Only children have just as many friends, and their personalities vary.
Research shows that only children have just as many friends as their peers.
Not just that, but the quality of their friendships is just as high.
At the same time, only children have diverse personalities, so you don't need to fret about them being "weird" or "isolated."
I was probably a weirdo growing up (I hope not anymore), and I have 3 sisters!
So, nope, definitely not exclusive to onlies.
How to Help Kids Avoid Loneliness
Encourage friendship by becoming the playdate house.
Encourage your kid to invite friends over.
Become the Playdate House and help your kid build friendships through play and fun.
2. Inspire your child to find a hobby.
Help your child to identify their passions in life.
Doing so will make it easier for them to find friends with the same interests.
From there, they can join extracurricular activities like sports teams or clubs.
3. Boost your child's emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is just as important as other kinds. With it, kids can build empathy, regulate emotions, and learn social skills.
Here are some ways to make good habits for emotional intelligence.
4. Be a supportive parent.
One of the best things you can do as a parent is to provide a supportive environment.
This means listening to your kid, being patient, and understanding their needs.
Your child will feel more confident and secure when you provide a healthy and caring home.
As a result, they'll be less likely to feel lonely.
Only ≠ Lonely
1 in 10 kids often feels lonely – but it doesn't have to do with being an only child.
In fact, only children may be less lonely than kids with siblings and better able to enjoy alone time.
As one-child families become more common, it's essential to understand that only children aren't necessarily lonely.
So instead, we can focus on helping our kids – whether only children or not – build healthy friendships and social lives.
No matter the family size or formation, nurturing your child's social life is essential.
I will keep stressing that I grew up with three sisters, and I have no doubts that I'd been through lonelier moments than my so-called "lonely only."
I sincerely believe that is much more to our personalities than the number of siblings we might have. It's safe to say that loneliness is not exclusive to only children 😉
