Tips to Handle Comments About Your Family Size

Families of all sizes – no kids, one kid, or multiple – hear it at some point. The probing questions. The insensitive comments. The well-meaning concern.

"When are you going to have kids?" 

"Don't you want to give your kid a sibling?" 

"You're done now, right?"

Of course, most of your friends and family members are simply curious about why (or why not) you have kids.

But it's normal for these types of questions to make you feel frustrated or upset. 

Fertility and family size are both private topics. The choice of your family size is yours, after all.

Some families feel complete with one kid, others with many. Some are trying for a child, while others choose not to have one.  

Whatever the circumstances, you may have to field these comments from your close circles – and even strangers.

So here are our top strategies for handling these situations and staying sane while you're at it. 

Tips For Families Without Kids: "When are you going to have kids?" 

1. Say that it's private. 

"That's kind of a personal question, don't you think?"

You can stop this invasive question in its tracks by responding that it's a private matter.

The person who asked will likely understand that they have crossed a line.

2. Remind them that kids aren't part of your family.

"Families come in all sizes."

Not every couple wants kids. Some build their families with pets, friends, neighbors, etc.

This is an excellent response for reminding people that families are diverse. 

3. Educate them if you're feeling up to it. 

"That's actually a painful question because we're trying for kids."

Sometimes couples may be struggling with infertility, which makes this question sting.

One possible response is to say it's painful, so please don't bring it up again. 

Tips For One-Child Families: "Don't you want to give your kid a sibling?" 

1. Change the subject. 

"Not really. How's your new job?"

There's no need to explain your family size to anybody if you don't want to.

Hence, ignore the question and find something else to talk about. 

2. Be honest about it.

"Our family feels complete."

Having one child may be the best thing that ever happened to you! Mention that your family feels complete.

You can also talk about the benefits of having just one child. 

3. Use humor, if possible.

"No more diaper-changing for me!"

Sometimes laughter is the best medicine. Therefore, try to use light-hearted comments to respond to these questions about giving your child a sibling. 

Tips For Families With Multiple Kids: "You're done now, right?"

1. Show your excitement.

"We're thrilled to be expecting again."

You can change the judgmental attitude behind this question by showing your excitement.

Focusing on the positive will remind the person that this is a happy moment for her.

2. Remember your right to privacy.

"That's up to us, don't you think?"

You have no obligation to explain your family size to anybody. Instead, remind them that it's a personal issue and they're overstepping.  

3. Zing them, if you're up to it. 

"Done being a parent? That's a lifelong job!"

It can be tiring to hear these comments, but if you're up to it, you may get the best reaction with a zinger like this one.

Love Your Family, Not Its Size

As parents today, it sometimes feels like you can't win! But, no matter your family size, there's always somebody ready to judge you for it. 

While these tips will help you handle these comments, it's important to remember that most people are just curious or trying to make conversation.

You can help open their minds to a simple fact when you respond: there's no magic number for family size. 

You can be a part of changing people's attitudes by using these sample answers above!

And ultimately, it's your attitude about your family that matters. Love your family, not its size.